Convenience

In our part of the world people were comfortably looked after. When we went to a restaurant or a diner or a soda-fountain a glass of water appeared at our place. When Pop pulled up to the pump for gas the windshield was wiped and the attendant opened the hood to check the oil and water. He might check the air pressure in the tires, too. If he spilled gas he'd wash the offensive stain from the fender and wipe it dry. I guess retired boy-scouts waited at corners to assist ancient ladies across. If they weren't there, we would. Doors were held open for all ladies but not usually for girls. We were programmed to give up our seats to women if the bus or street-car was crowded. We were expected to say "thank you" for little courtesies. When ladies entered elevators all men and boys took off their hats as a matter of respect. I never understood the implication of that gesture. Later in life I read Max Schulman's criticism of the habit and I guess everyone else did too because these days not many men remove their hats while riding the Otis.

(Hats are a puzzle. In Catholic churches women were expected to wear hats or mantillas. Jewish custom required men to wear hats, or yarmulke in synagogue. Prior to John

Kennedy's inauguration men and boys were always seen in hats: caps, derbys, boaters, fedoras, Stetsons, Panamas. Hats off in elevators, though. In movies we could recognize cops and newspaper reporters and cowboys. They all wore hats that couldn't be dislodged in fights...or in elevators. They all took them off in church. Maybe that was the way they could be distinguished from the Jews — unless they were bishops, who retained the yarmulke. Catholic women draped veils over their heads like monks in hoods or Jews in Tallit. Protestant women wore hats to church only for a fashion statement. See? It all makes sense.)

If we thought about going somewhere we went to the gas-station and picked up a road-map. The selection was wide and the rack of maps looked like a display of Hallmark cards. Even kids my age were welcome to pick from the selections. The maps were free, like the glass of water at soda fountains and the toilet at Howard Johnson's and parking the car in the business district. That would change and later involve a penny fee on a parking-meter.

Bell Telephone Company put phone-booths everywhere so that calls could be made without much bother. The cost was a nickel. Each booth had a door that protected the caller from wind and rain and from unwelcome evesdropping. A directory lay on the table beneath the phone for those who couldn't remember the numbers they wanted to dial.

Post-war entremanures developed shopping malls and super-markets and convenience stores. Those things might have been practical for people in sparsely populated areas but we had the greater convenience already in Mom and Pop grocery stores and other family owned shops. There was no greater convenience than the order "Go down to the corner (store) and get...(whatever)." Hypnotists would tell us something else.

Who changes things? Good people might; too often they are inspired by duress or motivated by crises. Jokers might, like Max Schulman who wrote a funny piece about why men (and boys) shouldn't take off their hats in elevators and it sparked a revolution of bad manners. Honest? A naive John Kennedy went bareheaded on inauguration day and thirty million men threw away their lids and an industry was destroyed.

When I was a boy the world had peaked as far as assessing civilization was concerned. Road maps were free. Water was delivered to tables. Men and boys gave up their seats in busses for ladies. Telephone directories were found in phone booths. Bills for groceries were penciled on brown bags and if you were short eight cents, or thirty nine, you could take the bag back and get a refund. Toilets were available almost everywhere..and free.

The civilized world installed toilets everywhere: in bus stations, on commuter trains, in public parks, at gas-stations. They were a foil against a disgusting alternative. We've regressed and for that there's a lot of blame earned in a lot of quarters.

We're examining a very private function. I don't know what goes on in ladies' rooms but when I was a kid there were times when I went to the trough or the urinal and odd men were there to peep at my pee-pee. They were loners who frequented amusement parks and theatres and the automat and transportation centers. Their leers were spooky. If they struck up a conversation it was time to run. "Wanna make some money?"

When I was about fourteen, there was news of a notorious murder in Philadelphia. An older boy struck up some chummy chat with a much younger one at a downtown theatre. He lured him up to his house to see his chemistry set and some plumbing. Something went wrong and he killed the smaller boy. You don't have to be in a bathroom in a theatre to meet friends like that, but it's a magnet place.

If a guy says "Hi, there" he might want something more than a hello. A naive kid like the one in the theatre can be inticed to go home, or to a secluded place, with a stranger who has lavished favor on him and that guy is going to expect cooperation. If it's resisted some ugly results may be expected.

Degenerates were succeeded by thugs who found it convenient to pummel their victims at public toilets. In some places the loos were closed because of violence. In others it was because of public indescretions. More commonly, latrines have closed because of the filthy condition that the clients have put them in that, in turn, put an impossible strain on janitorial staffs. Besides, not many people want to be janitors these days and many of those who are in charge of cleaning-up are as sloppy as those who have turned restrooms into stys.

Pigs have clogged the bowls and the urinals, broken the fixtures and the lights, littered the room, scrawled cute texts on the walls and left a stink behind. A private function is spoiled by apprehension. When I was young it was by the rare presence of someone who leered at kids. When I grew up the era of slobs had begun and the word toilet had taken on a wider meaning. More recently the instance of criminal harm in some places has padlocked the can all together.

The convenience is gone in the subway stations. Less intelligent folks use stations and platforms and concourses as urinals and dumping grounds. The natural order of things would reason that since the population of my country has doubled since I was a kid there should be twice as many toilets to service our society. There's an inbalance of reason in defining convenience — and understanding. Portable johns have taken up the slack in some places but there are no facilities to wash-up afterward.

Wash?

Civilized people are told to adjust. To what? It's another step downward. We'll get used to that in time, I suppose, and eventually we'll get used to being rude.